travels, races, and other musings

This is it! I've reached the end of the road, more or less, in my treatment. 20 out of 20 radiation treatments DONE. I'm so relieved. I'm tired of the strange shooting pains, the burning feeling both inside and on my skin, and the fatigue, which also caused me some forgetfulness and fogginess at times. The fatigue was the worst, honestly and came in waves that would just suddenly hit me. I've never felt fatigue like that. Working out helped a lot so I was glad to have that outlet.  It's going to be really strange not going to Texas Oncology every single afternoon for my treatment. I won't see Connie, who was Deaf and had the appointment just before mine at 1:20, or Mrs. Smith who was 97 years old and in the 1:40 time slot (I was the 1:30). It's strange to think about them still there. Yesterday after the radiation techs all cheered and showered me with confetti (there's no bell) I wished the other patients well before I left. (I told the radiation techs ...

I count down every day of radiation. I'm apparently not the only one because on day 6 the tech asked me how I was doing and I said, "just counting down. 6 down, 14 to go." She sort of chucked and said, "yah." I replied, "you've heard that one before, I guess." And she said, "yes, pretty much everyone counts it down. Hang in there."  I have the routine down now. I check in at the front desk at Texas Oncology. The lady at the front desk greets me by name and tells me I can go back while she activates the remote unlock on the door. I go around the corner and go through. Once through the door, I turn left at the nurses station ("Good afternoon!") then I take a right into the waiting area, passing the control area (I'm not sure the official name, but its where they control everything and have view the camera feed from in the treatment room). I go into a changing room and put my things into a locker and put on a gown. I put an ear...

My cancer diagnosis is the second time I have felt betrayed by my body. The first time was when I was pregnant. I had HG, hyperemesis gravidarum, or severe nausea and vomiting during pregnancy, and it was absolutely debilitating. At just six weeks pregnant I wrote in my journal:  Someone turned the morning sickness knob up to 11 a couple of days ago. Last night they turned it up to 25. It's still there. :( This photo was taken at Thanksgiving, which was perhaps one of the most miserable Thansgivings of my life. I remember feeling like absolute hell when this photo was taken. I look at the woman in this photo and I feel so awful for her because it's about to get even worse. After we returned from our Thanksgiving holiday in California at my grandmother's house, I was 8 weeks pregnant and couldn't keep anything down. Not even water. Dehydrated, drained, and desperate, we finally went in to the ER over a weekend. I will never forget feeling absolutely miserable while I sat...